![]() Here are a few other examples of rules that may be helpful in some ways but, if followed too rigidly, could have a negative impact: But what if Always be polite translates to never wanting to reveal disagreement with a close friend, family member or partner? Or what if it leads you to avoid asking for help (even a friendly favour) because doing so might seem ‘impolite’? Politeness can help decrease conflict or signal friendly intentions. ![]() Take another seemingly fine rule: Always be polite. However, what if the rule I must always work hard is followed strictly and regardless of context, so that it means working while on vacation, or while sick, or simply working tirelessly throughout the day with no breaks? Consistently working hard might help you pass an exam, finish graduate school, or get a promotion. On its face, it might appear to be a helpful rule that makes a lot of sense. They might be fully aware that this is a rule that they abide by, or they could just implicitly follow the rule and consider it unacceptable to not work hard. Life at the rigid end of this spectrum can become disrupted and problematic, even when the rules in question seem sensible.įor example, someone may have a rule such as I must always work hard. ![]() On the other end of the spectrum, you follow the rule rigidly. This does not mean you completely abandon and break your rule (though, it could), but it might mean that you make your rule less absolute, or decide that you don’t have to follow it all the time. On one end, you consider a rule flexibly. Let’s start by imagining a spectrum, representing the ways you might relate to the rules you have for yourself. You won’t have to make huge changes often even a simple, small change can be helpful. This Guide will help you reflect on those challenges further, and will also show how you can start safely relaxing your rules. If you sense that your own behaviour may be quite rule-governed, chances are you’ve noticed at least some ways that this can create difficulties for you. That is what it can be like for someone who rigidly adheres to certain rules. Sometimes, the individuals I work with are not aware of the extent to which these rules impact their life – just as fish do not have a keen awareness that they are swimming in water. As a clinical psychologist, I often speak with people who have a strong preference for structure and order above all things, and I’ve observed what it’s like to be guided by rules in strict, often burdensome ways. But rule-following, like anything, can be taken too far. Every one of us has certain rules about how we behave in particular situations, relate to other people, or present ourselves in the world.
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